Reflections On Becoming An Empty Nest

I think just about everyone who knows me and my family should be aware that we recently sent our baby off to college a week and a half ago. If not, we took our youngest daughter, Anna, to Texas A&M on August 19th. Today, we went back to College Station to see her and some 400 freshman cadets pass before the Corps Commander in their Fish Review, when they are officially accepted into Corps of Cadets. It was really a good day.

I noticed on Facebook, over the past several weeks, that a lot of our friends had kids going off to college this year. Great thing, that Facebook. If anything, I was aware, going into this experience of emptying the nest, that my wife and I would not be the only ones having to say goodbye to one of our kiddos. It didn't necessarily help things. But, when I would get melancholy or restless in the days leading up, I could tell myself "suck it up! You're not the only one who's feeling like this!"

It also helped that we had two kids leave the nest already.

Our son, Chris, left home for UNT in Denton - 4 years ago this week. I remember feeling a lot of the same things in the days leading up to his departure for UNT: melancholy, anxiety. I wanted to make sure that everything was just right and we had that heart felt goodbye when we dropped him off at school. Little did we know that he had plans of his own for arriving on campus. We spent the night before at my brother's in Mt. Vernon, TX, which was only 2 hours away from Denton - as opposed to driving 4 hours from home in Conroe. Chris told us that he needed to be on campus at a certain time that morning. I thought to myself "that's odd, to set a time for move in." We got up early and said bye to my brother and sister-in-law, drove to Denton, unloaded his stuff in the dorm and that was it. You know that feeling you get when you think somebody is trying to get rid of you? Yeah, that's exactly what we were feeling. We took a little time for a few pictures and that was it. We found out later that he had planned to go to a certain gathering on campus that morning and didn't want us there to cramp his style. It was pretty much par for the course. The boy had always been independent and he was ready to get out on his own.

In the 4 years since that day, he's probably been home a dozen or so times. One of the times was to go to Malakoff for my dad's funeral, which was only 3 weeks after he left home. We came to realize quickly that he was ready to get out on his own for quite some time. In the time since, he has proved to be responsible in taking care of himself and his business. He will beginning his 5th year at UNT this fall. He has worked throughout his college career and got his own apartment midway through his second year in Denton. We had to adjust to Chris not being at home, but it wasn't too difficult. When he was at home, he was often in his room, playing guitar or listening to music. In the years since he left for college, it's been like he was still in his room, only we don't hear music coming out of there anymore. But, let him come home for the weekend, we realize what we've missed in his absence.

Jessica surprised my wife and I when she told us that she wanted to go to Texas A&M two years ago. To our knowledge, she was planning to go to UNT, like her brother. No one in our family had ever attended Texas A&M. Afterall, engineers and scientists go to Texas AM. Not the artsy-fartsy types like the members of our family! We were even more surprised to find out that she wanted to join the Aggie Band, which involved joining the Corps of Cadets. We both were pretty nervous about our ballerina and singer doing the things cadets do - along with the normal rigors of going off to college for the first time. When she went off to Fish Camp, she came back with stories about the people she met and the crazy things they did to get to know each other. That was one thing. Then, it came time to go off to FOW (Freshman Orientation Week) with the Corps, which was entirely something else. I heard stories about FOW and was concerned about how Jessica would be able to handle it. I sat her down at one point and told her that she couldn't quit and I didn't want her to call me and tell me should couldn't take it, because I would be there to take her home in a heartbeat. Thankfully, that never happened.

Two years removed from that experience, there have been multiple trips to see the band perform at Kyle Field and other locations, various parent activities on the A&M campus, along with several trips home whenever she had a free weekend. When we saw her at Fish Review two years ago, we were able to breathe a little easier. She survived FOW and was ready for the challenges and opportunities that were ahead of her. There were some difficulties early on, and with the help of her buddies she made it through. In the time since, we've gotten to know her buddies from her band outfit, along with their parents. We've had a few of the buddies over for dinner, taken a few of them out for lunch. We've tailgated, attended Aggie games and various band and corps activities. It's like our family has expanded through this experience to include all of them. It was a trade-off we never would have expected and has been such a pleasant surprise.

Anna, like Jessica, said she intended to go to UNT and live with her brother up until a couple of years ago. I was good with our baby going to live with Chris. He would take care of her and show her the ropes. She would love Denton. But, her tune began to change and she started talking about going to Texas A&M instead. Anna attributed the decision to attend A&M to God telling her to follow in Jessica's footsteps. I was OK with the idea. After all, who am I to argue with God? She was one who preferred a structured environment - possibly more than her siblings. But, being the baby, she also liked doing her own thing. In a lot of ways, her mother and I were also a little more protective of her since she was the baby. In the years since Chris and Jessica left home, Anna had to deal with me and her mom trying to dote on her a little more since she was the only kid in the house. There was also the presence of her Grandmama who seemed to dote on Anna more than anyone else. It's a wonder we didn't drive her crazy.

We dropped her off, behind Dorm 11 on the Quad a week ago this past Wednesday. Much like her brother, she was ready for Grandmama, her mom and me to get going so she could get to the business of being a fish. With Anna being our second cadet, we knew things would be different. We had "connections" now and could keep tabs on how she was doing. Just like Jessica, I feared that I might get a tearful phone call, at some point during the night, telling me that she wanted me to bring her home. Thankfully, that call never came. Our connections told us that Anna was doing well and making her mark over the course of FOW. Good bull, as they say in the corps.

Today, we arrived at Simpson Drill Field to the sounds of the Aggie Band playing while cadets from the various companies filed onto the field for Fish Review. We were able to find Jessica quite easily. She was second to the end of her rank, nearest the sideline where we were seated. Anna, on the other hand, was a little harder to spot. We looked and looked. Finally, during the swearing in of the fish cadets, we saw her. Our baby was now fish Knox, the second in our family, part of the class of 2019. Grandmama, Aunt Janeen, her mom and me - we pointed to say we found her.

When the review was over, we gathered on the field for pictures and it was quite clear to us that our newest cadet was doing quite well. She introduced us to her buddies. Her buddies introduced us to her parents. New connections and relationships for the next four years of football games, tailgate parties, parent and student activities - all part of the life of a cadet family at Texas A&M. I looked at Janeen and there were tears in her eyes.

"They're all grown up," she said.

"Yeah, they are" I replied.

For me, songs come to mind when I encounter the events from day to day. Music has always played a big part in the life of our family and with each of our children. When I was snapping pictures of Anna with her fish buddies today, a song came to mind by one of my favorite songwriters, Steve Hindalong. He's written several songs about his children over the years, at various stages of their growing up. I met Steve at a concert earlier this year and we talked about his songs, about kids growing up and such. He wrote the song below for his daughter, who was making the transition to adulthood, possibly at a time much like this. He told me how she went through some really tough times, but was doing well and he was looking forward to seeing her on a later leg of the tour. As I watched Anna with her buddies today, the words of this song came to mind and kept rolling through my head:

Comes a time for tears in the dark,
No need to fake it.
Yesterday her eyes were shining stars,
I know she'll make it.

She's alright,
She's alright, now.
Flying over mountains,
Coming through the clouds.
She's alright,
Like an eagle in the wind.
I know she's gonna make it through,
Cause she's got true blue friends.

Even when the rain is falling hard,
She will find cover.
Even though she aches to the heart,
She knows we love her.

She's alright,
She's alright, now.
Flying over mountains,
Coming through the clouds.
She's alright,
Like an eagle in the wind.
I know she's gonna make it through,
Cause she's got true blue friends.

When our kids are born, we should understand that we are preparing for their launch as adults right then. We're not supposed to make our children dependent on us. Our goal needs to be to make them independent and prepare them to achieve the things they want for their lives. We can choose to act like that day will never come, or neglect our duty as parents to prepare them for it. Still, the time comes, no matter how well or poorly we do our job as parents. Hopefully, we aren't derelict in our duties and responsibilities because our children will be the ones who pay the price, not us.

As I sit here reflecting on the events of the day, I can't help but be thankful. Things will definitely be different around our house, now that all three of our children are off at college. If anything, it's much more quiet than I could have imagined - even a few days ago. We've been preparing ourselves for this for a long time and we'll adjust.

Now, it's up to our kids...go fly high, little birdies...especially you, fish Knox 2019...fly high...