Reflections On Being Too Busy

Being busy has become cliche'. Ask anyone how they're doing, 9 of 10 will say "I've been busy, man. Real busy." I talk to people about their schedules and a realize that I'm not nearly as busy as everyone else. My kids never played Little League or any other pee-wee sports. Chris played football for 3 years and decided to get serious about playing guitar. The girls participated in gymnastics and dance for a few years. But, more recently they've settle into being in the band at their school. Things can get hectic at times, but in the course of a week there's not usually a lot of extra places to be and lots of things to do. Still, somehow I've been too busy.

My family and I don't do much outside of our jobs. We might have a get-together with folks outside of work every now and then. We know there are people who we work with who are a lot more busy outside of the workplace than we are. The only other activities we really get into have to do with our church. We play for church services, outreach events and anything else that might come down the pike. We also have a lot of friends at our church. Some of you may have seen my post over the weekend about our little church. Most of our friends are there and most of our time is spent there. In the vast configuration of things however, it's really not THAT much. But still we've been too busy.

You might wonder why I say that we've been too busy?

This past Saturday, there was an estate sale at a house across the street and down 4 houses from ours. A little old lady lived in that house since we moved in the neighborhood. She likely had lived there long before we ever moved to the neighborhood. From what I could tell, she was really sweet. I would see her every now and then going out to get her mail. She would wave and smile. I can't count how many times that happened. We've lived in this same house 6 1/2 years and not once did I ever introduce myself to that lady. I was always going somewhere. I was too busy.

Over the past few months I noticed that I hadn't seen that lady check her mail. I hadn't seen her at all outside of her house for as long as I can remember - maybe for all of 2009. Her yard was always in good shape. It didn't appear that no one lived there. I just didn't see her. Then, all of a sudden, there's this nondescript sign in her yard "estate sale."

Over the course of the day, on Saturday, people came and went and before dark someone loaded up a trailer with what could have been the entire dining room set. No sign of the little lady. She was gone. Where? I have no idea.

I've driven by that house at least 4-6 times since Saturday and when I do, I feel such a sadness. Something is missing...that little lady is gone - and I have no idea who she was. More importantly, I never knew who she was because I was just too busy to find out who she was. That, to me, is the saddest thing of all.

Before My Very Eyes

Last Saturday, I witnessed a startling transformation.

My oldest daughter, Jessica will turn 15 next May. She's currently a freshman at Montgomery High School. She's in the Golden Bear Marching Band along with many of her friends. Thanks to changing jobs two years ago, I get to see her every day and have met many of those friends.

Last Friday was the Homecoming Game for Montgomery High School. I was there, along with my family, to see Jessica march in the band. I was bursting with pride to see her out there on the field. We spent most of the band's routine trying to point out where she was to my parents as the routine twisted and turned back and forth across the field. It was a good night. The football team had won handily. The band looked great. On the way home Jessica mentioned something about a homecoming dance the next day. It didn't really register. It was late and we all needed to go to bed.

Saturday morning, the band traveled to Bryan, TX to participate in a marching contest at Blinn Jr. College. Her mom & I dropped her off around 7 AM and picked her up later in the day. It hadn't quite registered what Jessica had told me about the dance later on that day. On the way home she mentioned something about getting some stuff for her dress for the homecoming dance.

"What?! What are you talking about?"

"Dad, there's a dance at the high school tonight. Remember? You and Mom both said I could go."

"Oh, yeah! Right."

I remembered, but some of the stuff she said she needed startled me a little. She and her mom had bought a strapless dress for the occasion a few weeks before. I hadn't seen it yet, but I was somewhat confident that since her mom had signed off on it, it would be OK. But we still had to get the accessories to make it work properly. Girl stuff. Somehow I regularly end up taking both of my daughters to get " girl stuff."It's OK though, I'm a pretty good dad.

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It was stressful in the early days. I had gotten used to getting those things for my wife. I got over being embarrassed about buying femine items for her by doing it - again and again. Real men buy Kotex. (You can write that down!) I don't know why it was different buying those same things for my daughters, but somehow it was. I had to get used to it all over again.

There was the time I took one of the girls (I don't remember who now. I'm sure they'll tell me.) to buy some bras. I'm sure if their mom were there, she would go in with them and make sure they fit and all that. Dad's don't do that. So, I'm sitting in the shoe department in JC Penney's and one of the sales guys comes by to offer his assistance.

"Can I help you?"

"Uh, no, thanks. I'm just waiting on someone."

"You might be interested to know that we have a special on shoes..." He continues on.

"Listen buddy, I'm here with my daughter who is trying on bras right now. I just need a place to sit and think. Is it OK if I sit here for a bit?"

"Yeah, sure." The guy just busts out laughing and I know he's laughing at me. He came back a couple of times before my daughter was ready and was still laughing. He OBVIOUSLY does not have girl children - if any children at all. One of these days the tables will be turned. It would be nice to get to return the favor - only I wouldn't be laughing. I would just say "hey, it happens!" It definitely does!

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So, Jessica and I go shopping together - to one shop and then to another. We find what we're looking for fairly easy, but I'm feeling rather uneasy. I don't know that I want her to wear a strapless dress - even if her mom DID approve. No offense, but this is MY little girl!

Then, like a shot out of the dark, she finds ANOTHER dress. It's not strapless, which has me feelin' pretty good about this new prospect. She tries it on and - WHAM! - it's a keeper. But in that split second a realization sets in. My daughter is lookin' good - real good! Wait, maybe a little too good! Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Who said she could go to this dance thing anyway?!

I know my kids aren't babies anymore. But, when Jessica tried on that dress a serious realization or perhaps an epiphany: I'm looking at a beautiful young lady. It should have been obvious, but it wasn't clear to me until that moment.

Now, I don't particularly like it that she's all grown up, but that doesn't really matter. Time marches on regardless of what we do or DON'T do. I suppose I could fight and resist - only to look ridiculous to her and everybody else. It would be best for her and us to embrace the transformation and celebrate it. With that, I have to admit that she looked really pretty Saturday night. See for yourself:

So, there it is - a dad struggling to find his place in a world that revolves less around him and more around his kids. I'm sure I'll get better at it. I still have some time to prepare. Because even though she has grown up so much, she's still growing and will continue to. The best part is that I can be a part of it along the way.